Seeing the numbers in black and white are equivelant to a punch in the stomach

This is the score I knew would be low, but still feels like a punch to the stomach when I see it in black and white.  Why is it so hard to see it in black in white??  I knew it would be low.  I KNEW it would be low.  The OT is my co-worker and friend.  She asked me if she could go over the report with me before she gave it to me.  I brushed her off explaining I had heard her give numerous reports to other parents.  I understand her report.  No need to cushion the blow.

But the 4th percentile??  I've heard these scores at IEP meetings.  The 4th percentile means out of 100 kids, Ashlynn did better than 4.  Than 4!!  

Sigh.

I knew it would be low, but this hurts. My poor baby.

"She would benefit from occupational therapy services to address gross and fine motor skills, self-help skills, attention, transitioning, and sensory processing skills."

So basically, Ashlynn needs help in every area the field of occupational therapy addresses.  I don't know if that's accurate but that's what it feels like.

On the sensory scales she has "definite dysfunction" in Balance and Motion, Planning and Ideas, and in Total Sensory Systems.  

Double sigh.  "Definite Dysfunction" is fun to read.  Blah. 

I"m sure there's a plus side to all of this, and I'm sure I could find the silver lining like a I normally do and will; but for now, blah.  This sucks.  Apraxia sucks.  My daughter is too sweet to have something like this.  She doesn't deserve it and I hate it.