Boot camp

I am currently at an apraxia intensive institute, aka "bootcamp."  I live in Colorado, and this bootcamp is in Pittsburgh.  I'm a Colorado native and I'll admit, I'm not well traveled and I really don't care.  When my husband asked me to marry him, I told him I hoped he really liked Denver because it would take a lot of get me out of here.  My family is here.  My history is here.  My roots are here.  Plus, I love the state, I love the city, I love the attractions, I love the people, I love what it has to offer.

Many people love a 7-10 day vacation, but for me, I want to come home usually after day 4 or 5. I knew this bootcamp would be hard, because it's four days, almost five, away from home by myself. However, I did it because I know it is for the best.  I know I'm doing it for all the right reasons.  I know it's a once in a lifetime opportunity and I had to seize the day.  I know I was called to apraxia for a reason, and I want to be one of the best damned SLP's for the job.

I've been busy and my mind has been occupied.  I am surrounded by amazing, competent professionals in the field, and that's not to mention I am being trained under top experts in the country.  There are SLP's even from Canada here!  How lucky am I?

I can't wait to blog about the experience; however, tonight is about catharsis.  I write because I am a writer.  I write because writing is a vehicle to express my emotions and as I write, my soul slowly feels healed; if only for the night.

We finally get a break here at bootcamp.  The experts hosted a "wine and cheese" night.  If you know me, I'm not one to turn down a party.  If there was/is a party and I can go, I'm usually at it.  However, downtime only let my mind wander.  What are my kids doing?  How was their day?  What did they discover today and what made them laugh?

My focus is drawn back to loud laughing and witty joke telling.  A room full of SLP's never disappoints to produce loud banter, clever plays on words, jokes only SLP's understand; basically, the stuff I live for.  I smile and actually laugh until I cry, but then I wonder, "Is it bath night?"  Did Ashlynn wonder why I'm not there to read her book?  She always wants me to read a book, and sometimes I'm tired and I don't want to, but I do it anyway, because I know this time is so short.  One day she can read her own book, or she'll have homework, or she'll want to talk on the phone with her friends instead.

More loud laughter erupts.  Why can't I enjoy myself?  I think of Cody.  My party buddy since 2001.  In a room full of people, he commands the attention and he makes me laugh.  He's funny and witty too and he loves a good party.  I married him for a reason, and right now I miss my best friend.
And Jace.  That little boy is just like his daddy.  Such a little troublemaker, but with a heart of gold.  I miss his cute little pucker when he kisses me goodnight, his proud "I did it!!" when he does something new, and his energy that exhausts me after a long day.  What trouble did he find today, I wonder.

More loud banter.

I go outside for some air.  I see a rollie pollie out for a stroll on the sidewalk.  A smile cracks on my face and a tear forms in my eye.  Ashlynn loves rollie pollies.

This experience is awesome, intense, amazing, and life changing.  I wouldn't be here if it were anything but; however, every choice you make has a price.....and the price seems very expensive tonight.